'Destroying the Joint' Mr Jones? You bet we are!

 Friday 31 August 2012

It is many weeks since I wrote my last post. The only reason for this is because I'm currently living out of boxes. Utterly consumed by the need to find a new home I'm therefore spending every waking hour either online-searching or foot-searching. Been going on for months it has!

Somewhere...sometime soon I hope...someone will agree to allow me to live with my Assistance Hearing Ear Dog.

But that is NOT what this post is about. I was all fired up...ready to serve it up to the Real Estate Rental Market when along comes...Mr Alan Jones.

Oh Mr Jones! May I quote my 3 year-old Granddaughter who, on being told of your latest remark today solemnly said: 'Nanna why does he say silly things?'

This is my letter to you Mr Jones...on behalf of my Granddaughters.

Dear Mr Jones

I am finding it incredibly difficult to write this letter to you…not, I hasten to add because I don’t know what to say…but simply because my fingers are laughing at you. Yes – laughing.

Mr Jones…I know that fingers don’t normally laugh or write blog posts independent of the mind they’re attached to…but mine DO. They’re utterly ill-disciplined, wilful, spoilt-brat-disgraceful digits trying to make me write all sorts of truthful but unwise-to-say things about you.

There! Fingers and urges under control now.

Would that you could do the same with your tongue.

“Women are ‘destroying the joint’” are they Alan?  Wow! You’ve got us all on edge now haven’t you. We’re all getting ourselves into a rage because of you aren’t we.

Wrong. We’re laughing at you. Yes – laughing. And my two Granddaughters aged 3years and 19 months are laughing hardest.

They’re laughing Alan, because they are Hell-bent on doing exactly as you say. They are going to ‘destroy the joint’ all right and they’re going to tell you how.

But first of all…because you write/rage/ogle or simper with no thought or reason other than to attract attention (that no one on this planet would otherwise give you)…let us define our Terms:

When we emerge from a mother’s womb Alan (distasteful enough subject eh? well there’s worse to come) we arrive not with a tail between our legs but one of two options:

1.     An Opening (Oh dear! A female I hear you say?)   
2.    A Dangly Bit (Yay! A male)

Now given that you are prone to Openings of any sort other than human female ones – the posher the better - it seems surprising that you so favour the Dangly Bits. But favour them you do.

My Granddaughters do not have Dangly Bits and therefore they are behind your Eight Ball even before they (Heaven forbid) meet you.

While it can mean any manner of things in our marvellous vernacular from Weed to Home Sweet Home, ‘The joint’ as you see it Alan...is this great country of ours called Australia.

The fact is that Australia was first and foremost occupied by men, women, tribes and families…but that’s incidental to you isn’t it Alan. The important thing is that it was discovered by mentaken by menmanipulated by men, ruled over by men: men firing from the hip and the penis until everything and  everybody yelled ‘Submission’ and the place started to look, feel and sound like a ‘joint’.

Good people over the years have tried to address those injustices Alan and many have contributed much to ensure that this could be seen potentially as a beautiful country – not a joint.

But you’ve done your best to make sure that it stays a ‘joint’ haven’t you Alan. For years with your bigotry, misogyny, sexist rants and bile you have coloured the airwaves blue with stupefyingly successful shockjock results. Turning people against people, group against group. With the help of your like-minded shock-jock and political bros you have maintained this 'joint’ image – a fearful, selfish, mean-minded, greedy country that cannot abide women, asylum-seekers, people with disabilities or our indigenous brothers and sisters…to name a few.

Shame on you!

And now what? Women are daring to rise up, take some of that power away from those with the Dangly Bits in order to equalise the equation…and you’re frightened. Yes – you’re snivellingly, crawlingly frightened that these creatures with Openings dare to show what they can do. They dare to lift that skirt, put down that pail, have a drink if they want to and defy mens’ gaol.

My Granddaughters know they’re as good as the boy or girl next to them in the Kindergarten or Playgroup.

They know that they will be encouraged to be ‘who they are’ to their maximum potential because the women who went before them made damn sure that they would.

But they also know Alan…that they cannot do it alone. They know that if we are to make this Joint into a modern, civilized, healthy and equal opportunity country, men and women must work together. Men and women must mutually respect one another and their individual strengths.

Enough of your bleatings, Alan Jones. Our Granddaughters and Grandsons will work together. You..and  'The Joint' are pass√©.


  1. Have I told you lately, my Lady, that I absolutely adore you and your wonderful brain! I not only simmered at this this morning but I am now cackling my 66 year old head off with total amusement at the "putting down into his sewer" of Mr. Alan Jones. Well done, you!!!! ;-))

    1. Bless your heart Buff...what a wonderful thing to say. Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed this piece.

  2. Brilliant, brilliant and may Mr Jones never blight the life of any of my daughters OR my sons!

    He really is a strange creature, Mr Jones, isn't he?

    1. Thank you Robyn. There is no plausible excuse for his absurd remarks. How sad that he has let himself be thought of as 'a strange creature'...and probably worse. May he learn some human decency before it's too late.

  3. To be honest, I am more horrified that you can't find a home to live with your dog Nancy - ye gods, I cannot believe that you are stopped from living in a home because you have an Assistance Hearing Ear Dog. I sure hope your next rant is about that!
    I know that anything that comes out of Mr Jones' mouth is vile so I don't even give him the time of day & take it with a bucket full of salt.

    1. You are very wise not to let his remarks get to you Lynden...why give him that victory? And thank you so much for your kind thoughts re my house-hunting. With your goodwill in my pocket I go forth again today.

  4. It is rather ironic isn't it that the week after PM Gillard finally rails against the " misogynist nutjobs" Alan Jones gives us a perfect demonstration of exactly what kind of person she's talking about. "Women are destroying the Joint" and this comes from a man whose rallying cry of "Leb & Wog bashing day" incited the now infamous Cronulla riot, one of the more shameful days in our recent history. Good for you for calling it what it is and whilst he continues to spew forth bile on the airwaves you continue to fill the Twittersphere with love. A dear friend once told me that Love is the real power in the Universe and she's right. Long may you rant Nancy Cato xx

  5. Thank you so much for your insightful and lovely comments Jane. I must say I agree with your friend...the difference between carrying around vicious hatred or Love in your heart is profound.

  6. Nancy, what a great blog this is. Thanks for letting me know about it.

    I was disappointed by the homophobia. It was unnecessary and only distracted from your argument. Your granddaughters should know that they are more than their "bits", and need not define themselves by whether or not particular (peculiar?) men desire them or not. Indeed, what greater example could they have of a woman of substance and achievement than your own good self?

    Jones shows you don't have to be online or anonymous to be a misogynist nutjob. You're right in saying that he doesn't show much else about how to live in the world. You do, and more power to you (and good luck with the house hunt!).

  7. Thank you for taking the time to both read this post and make a comment Andrew. Let me hastily assure you that there was and is no homophobia in my heart and if my words led you to that interpretation I am deeply concerned. I would not have had much of a career but for the talents of the Gay fraternity and those who found a haven at Chapel Off Chapel in my ten years of founding and running the place would probably attest to this. Pointing out that by saying 'Women are destroying the Joint' Mr Jones shows his preference towards men, is, to my mind not homophobic.

    I have no fear at all for my granddaughters...they are loved, disciplined, supported, encouraged to be who they are and protected...even when I have to be a Giraffe with feet painted green.

    Thank you for your kind thoughts about the house-hunting. All I can say is that it...continues.

    And incidentally, some of your recent Twitter-conversatons with Mr Holmes made me think of the struggle some radio actors had in my day, trying to accept they were not going to 'cut it' with the new-fangled TV audiences.

  8. Nancy, I'm horrified that you can't find a house to rent because you have an Assistance Dog. What has the world come to? You may not want to do it, but it would make a great story if you contacted the media about this discrimination. And, who knows, someone might hear about it and it could lead to a happy ending? Good luck

  9. Bless your heart ambradambra...that is very kind of you. I can assure you that I have been offered the opportunity to do just as you say by a dear journalist friend. And I agree with you that it would make a great story. My hesitation is that I wouldn't want it to be about me.I've had my time in the sun and there are people in far worse situations than mine. I too am distressed that people are less and less able to enjoy their later years in life without a loved pet or valuable assistance dog.

    Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness. I shall do all I can to get something happening on this from behind the scenes.